#17: 7 Principles of Being a Positive Influence

I could never know what is best for you in your life. Hey friends, welcome to Voice and Impact, an honest podcast about the journey of entrepreneurship. We're not here to tell you how to live your life. We're here to have real conversations about real things. My name is Adam and I'm so grateful you're here with us For today's video. I'm very passionate, spending a lot of time in my life right now thinking about influence, what influence means and how we can wield it with intention. And I'll just start immediately by saying when you look at the internet and you look up influence, there's going to be a lot of information about how to influence somebody to do whatever you want them to do. That, from my perspective, i would coin as manipulation. If that's what you're looking for, this is not going to be. For you, influence is different And to me, my perspective of influence isn't to influence somebody to do what I want them to do, but instead to be a positive influence on their life as they see is appropriate for them. In other words, i'm influencing them towards themselves to find more clarity of who they want to become or the type of life they want to build or what their obstacles are, but from their perspective, not from a perspective of me telling them Hey, here's the answer, here's the answer. Here's the answer. Currently, i have sort of seven, a list of seven ideas that I believe are really important in the process of being a positive influence. In the current world, there's a lot of noise in a lot of businesses I own a media agency and the noise about people selling media agency services, websites, content it's everywhere and it's very loud, and so the question becomes well then, as entrepreneurs, how can we stand out? From my perspective, standing out requires building trust and being a positive presence or a positive influence in the lives of the people you serve and the lives of your client When people hire Voice and Impact. Voice and Impact comes in and provides media services, but I also hold very near and dear being a positive impact on the people specifically that I'm collaborating with, getting to know them, caring about them and applying these seven principles that I'm about to share with you. All right. So principle number one in order to be a positive influence in one's life, you have to start with yourself. You can never take somebody further than you've taken yourself, and so, obviously, what that would mean is to focus on yourself. Do the work. From my perspective, there are really three character traits that I see being a positive benefit in a leader's space. One is a sense of humility, a sense of I'm still learning, i'm still going to make mistakes and being honest and evaluating the process as you do, because that catalyzes more growth. And without that ability to reflect, you're going to reach a plateau of stagnancy, like the people in the world who believe they've arrived. I've already gotten as advanced as I possibly could be. I never make any mistakes. Those sorts of people are plateauing because they've lost what's necessary in order for the conscious process of growth to happen, because they don't believe any more growth is available to them. Right, and boy, that's kind of a tragedy. And so humility Also, from my perspective, creates more trust. Right, because when you're engaging in a relationship and there's that energy of I'm better than you, man, if I was this person, i'd want to leave as fast as I can, because to me, the most empowered collaborations are the collaborations where we're on the same playing field, because in truth we are. The second character trait that I think is important in that number one, starting with yourself, is a sense of service to your community, to the people you care about, to your friends, to your family or to the world, whatever it means to you. I'm not trying to prescribe what service means to you, but I am trying to probe the question how are you inspired to contribute? Because it's only you who can answer that question. And when we find the answer to that question, the ability to be of bigger influence to the world or to the people around you is more available. Because I think everybody wants to find the clarity of how they want to contribute to the world And it's only the people who have that clarity that can help the other people figure that out. Does that make sense? And then, third, would be a sense of nobility. Now, i'm not talking about nobility of the kings and the queens. I'm talking about nobility, which is a sense of reverence, from my perspective, to have good for everyone. I want what's best for you, just as a fundamental belief. I can't prescribe to you what's best for you. I'm not going to tell you what's best for you, but there is something that you are intrinsically motivated to have that feels what's best for you, and I'm serious when I say I want that for you too. And so if you combine those three traits that, i feel like we're carving as we do the work, as we're letting go of the traumas and processing the traumas that we've inherited, you know, as we're finding clarity of the type of service we want to have in the world, allowing a sense of opening and permission to the people around us as they discover what is best for them. So we got to start with ourself, right, that's number one in the process of being a positive influence. And then number two was kind of something we just mentioned, which is I could never know what is best for you in your life. I could never know. Now, i guess in some ways I can right. Like silly example would be let's say, i'm talking to somebody or hanging out with somebody where they drink a lot of Mountain Dew And, for the sake of just making the point, let's say they drink two gallons of Mountain Dew a day. Obviously that's a lot of Mountain Dew. And so it's easy for one to come to the conclusion of, hey, maybe that habit is causing harm and not a benefit to that person. Right, like that is an objective truth. Now, even then, if I were to approach that person and just be like hey, that's bad for you, you should stop, you should stop. You should stop. I'm not going to be a very positive influence in that person's life. I think a different approach would be to sit down and have a conversation about it and just ask questions that might help that person understand the harm that is happening as a result of that habit, but and also the potential of what life could look and feel like without that habit there, without pointing it out and saying it from my words, but aliving an intrinsic curiosity to both of those things which may plant the seed that eventually changes behavior. So it's not about being right or being wrong. It's about waking the person's inner potential and helping them also see it in such a way that motivates new behavior, being one towards themselves, which involves guiding them towards a clearer vision of what they want and a clearer feeling associated with how they want it, which results in a desire which fuels action and habits. Okay, number three I got this idea from the science of getting rich, which is a Wallace D Waddle's book that an old mentor of mine introduced to me, and in this book he sort of positions the idea of how do rich people get rich and set aside your emotional relationship to money here for a second, we're just talking about that process in a way that is of integrity, because he says there's a way to get rich on the competitive plane, and on the competitive plane one throws their ladder down beneath them as they climb to get rich. Some of that is happening in that world, but then there's a way to get rich on the creative plane, and on the creative plane you keep the ladders and you throw your hand down to invite all of those who are around you to also journey on the path to riches, because there's enough for everyone. One of the key components within that book is a character of leaving what he calls the impression of increase. Now, to say that in a more simple way, when you leave somebody's attention, they feel inwardly that they are better off now. then they were at the beginning of the conversation. You lifted their mood, you made them feel tuned into a sense of potential, you made them feel understood, whatever it is. They feel an inward benefit that is in direct response of your presence. The science of getting rich is part of actually a trilogy. The first one is the science of getting rich, the second one is the science of being well and the third one is the science of being great. All three very accessible language and, i think, very well written and interesting ideas. Okay, and number four, of influence. Again, we're helping people guide them towards themselves, discover themselves, find clarity on who they are, what they want. In that process, from my perspective, it's less about talking and more about listening. So number four is ask great questions, provide space and care. So you're asking great questions that are helping the people in front of you reflect. You're providing space and safety so that they can intimately reflect and discover their ideas, because safety is a huge part of that process. And then three you're caring, you're being a beneficial presence, you're paying attention, you're extending yourself to them from a sense of I care about you, which makes all the difference. Like in a very simple way, like have you ever had a meal that's made of the same ingredients from? like somebody who worked all day to make it and it was like it had that homey love to it, whereas you go and got the meal at a restaurant. It just didn't quite have the same experience. And so it's the same concept, only applied to the process of a conversation. Somebody I listened to closely is Dr Jordan Peterson. I listened to one of his podcasts recently, or it could have been a real or something, and it was. He was talking about how if people just had other people in their life that would sincerely and genuinely listen to them, they would discover and figure out a lot of their own problems. And that kind of like shifted my perspective a lot, because I feel like we're more competent than we give ourselves credit to be. If only we had someone to listen, to, figure out our own problems, but we would be the ones figuring out the problems. The space would just be the container that give us permission to Number five don't expect anything from others that you yourself won't do. So. Story time. I'm gonna share a little bit of a story. Early on in my entrepreneurial career, one of my first business partners was just chronically late, whether it was missed the meeting altogether or 10 minutes, 15 minutes, poor communication in the meantime And it was just sort of a saying that I had to deal with for a while. And one of the times he met somebody that he felt had an alignment in the business and therefore could be a potential team member. Maybe it was the idea, and so he got an official meeting put on the calendar, you know, and we rented an office space to make it all official and about five minutes before the meeting the guy texted say hey, i'm gonna be late. And then he was later than he even said he was going to be And that whole time my business partner was bitching and moaning about how he was giving this guy an opportunity and how disrespectful it is to be late and how his time felt disrespected, when in my mind I was getting really pissed off because he does that to my attention so much. What I'm saying here is like This individual, the business partner, had different expectations for his team than he did for himself, and I think that's a poor leadership quality. He very often received kindness and compassion on his process of trying to figure out what on time looks like for him, and then for him to not provide that same level of compassion and understanding in that environment gave me a big red flag. If you're going to expect something out of somebody, be a living, walking, breathing example of what that looks like. Leaders that demand over, demonstrate, exercise control instead of that impression of increase. Okay. Number six Be vulnerable, be open, be honest. You know the truth is, vulnerability creates vulnerability, and I think it's fair to say that. A lot of our experiences as a society at large have sort of enclosed our sense of feeling permission to be vulnerable, generally speaking. I'm not trying to say none of us are vulnerable, but generally speaking, i think it would be fair to say that an increase in vulnerability may serve people here. The interesting thing about vulnerability is vulnerability, like I said, creates vulnerability, and so if I'm vulnerable to my team or the people that I'm aiming to influence in a way that makes sense and is meaningful to me, right like I'm not suggesting you just share what you don't want to share, but generally speaking, it creates a situation where the other person experiences what vulnerability feels like and then feels more inward permission to be vulnerable. Right Like if you ever had somebody in your life share something vulnerability and that resulted in you feeling comfortable enough to finally get something off your chest and share something vulnerability. In order to be that positive influence, a great tool is to demonstrate what vulnerability looks like. Therefore, people around you will be vulnerable And when you're vulnerable, it creates like a pressure, pressure valve release, right Like it just gets things out of there, and that is an impression of increase in and of its own right, creating an environment where that vulnerability is safe, and leading by example can be a great way to be a positive influence. Number seven here is really to take it home, and I've kind of been saying this the whole time, but I can never know what's best for the people that I serve. Number seven is all about awakening intrinsic motivation. So in order for intrinsic motivation to be there, like I was saying earlier, we need to know what we want, which, by the way, is a very courageous question What do you want? Right, like to actually sit there and think about and find clarity of what do you want out of life. That's a scary question, because oftentimes what we build in our mind is so different than what we find in front of our face. We're scared to ask it, because then we have to face reality. I don't mean that in a scary way or in a dramatic way, but it's true. So awakening intrinsic motivation is essentially what's necessary in order for us to face reality and build toward that clearer vision of what I want. We're helping that person see what's possible, tune into their sense of desire, and that sense of desire creates that inward motivation as opposed to external motivation. Right, go into law school, because that's what your dad wanted you to do. That's an example of external motivation, whereas awakening intrinsic motivation just a contrast and for the same example might be something more like believing that law right now is the only place where I can make a difference in impacting the ways that women who are experiencing divorce are honored and represented and given a fairer fight or a fair shot, or whatever it may be. That's an inward feeling of. This is where I feel inspired, and oftentimes, when we're coming from a place of internal intrinsic motivation, we create more lasting results, we have a stronger threshold of durability, and that's really, really important, and so awakening intrinsic motivations within the people in which you serve benefits their life in very great ways. So then, how does all of this like relate to business? right, because, necessarily, all seven of those are just kind of like human traits, human being ideas, not necessarily just entrepreneurial ideas. But again, when I was speaking earlier, i mentioned the idea that the marketplace is really saturated And, again, to use my example as a media space, everybody's wanting to sell everything like come get Alex, alex Hermosi captions and, like you know, here's AI-powered websites and, you know, fucking blah, everybody wants it, and what I've noticed is actually in the media space from a consumer's perspective, the people writing the checks and hiring media agencies. There's a lot of abuse of trust, there's a lot of malice, there's a lot of failed agreements. When people hear media agency, they kind of like get, get tight and get tense right. And so for me, in a noisy and busy transactional world, the way that I found my my way to stand out in the marketplace is this trustworthy character, these abilities to use these seven influence factors very intentionally with the people that I'm serving within the sales process, within the agreement process, within the fulfillment process. Genuinely caring about people is an excellent way to stand out, because right now we're all fighting. It's this side and this side and this side's right, but this side's right we're pointing fingers at each other. And so for there to be a presence of care and for people to feel understood and valued I think just people are more comfortable getting out their pocketbooks and hiring. And then the other added bonus in all of this is is there's a really been a huge shift in in my business from short-term relationships, project-based relationships, where now these relationships are so full of trust they've become long-term partners, right. And so then when I'm getting projects, i'm not stacking this project and this one ends and then stacking that project and it ends and then stacking that project. I'm stacking them on top of each other, right? So when I make this sale, because that trust is in place and because that feeling of positive influence, that impression of increase is in place, they don't want to leave. So then the stacks, and stacks, and stacks, and stacks, and stacks, and stacks, and stacks, and then the engine is churning in a different way than would be with just the one-off components. Now, part of that is finding clarity on the type of clients, but also part of that is navigating that relationship in such a way where staying makes sense. It's just the right thing to do. I hope you got value out of this video. I hope this new way of thinking about influence serves you and helps you grow and helps your business grow. If you're an entrepreneur, and please follow along. If you're new here, my name's Adam. This is Voice and Impact. We're all about empowering entrepreneurs who feel like they have something to give to the world. But between the technology, the agreements, the money, the building a business, it's new, it's different and we're here to help you. So give us a follow and I'll see you next time.